Now that my friends and I are living it, I see it all the time: that post-grad, quarter-life crisis that most (…or all) 20-somethings go through as they transition from a student (some sort of weird half-adult where you can live with your friends, buy your own alcohol, not file your own taxes, and pretty much only have to worry about finals week, doing laundry, and not eating your weight in take–out and ramen everyday) to a post-grad adult (some weird sort of half-adult where you don’t feel old, wise, or put together enough to actually call yourself an adult, but you have to do adult things like get a job, find a place to live, pay bills, file your own taxes, pay more bills, leave the hook-up seen (…or not), still do laundry, pay more bills, cook, clean, and of course, pay more bills). Now obviously this is a condensed version of the true struggle we all go through (College is anything but easy. There are extremely serious issues that many students face: depression, chronic stress, sexual assault, bullying, abuse, relationship garbage…the list goes on.), but generally adult life gets a lot more complicated, difficult, and confusing when we leave our cushy campuses and our parent’s homes.
Now, don’t get it twisted. I’m not writing this just for the dazed and confused free spirits out there who switched between four majors during their undergraduate career and are now couch surfing the United States searching for themselves (not that I’m excluding you all either, haha). I feel anyone making this post-grad transition can feel some type of way. Personally, I’ve had moments where I felt overwhelmed by the stress of everything, and I’ve led a rather successful college and post-grad life. However, my definition of success now is different than it was when I graduated college. Here’s my story:
When I graduated in May of 2014, some would say I had it made. I was graduating with a 3.7 GPA from an Ivy League school (Columbia University) with a degree in Film Studies and Business Management. I had served in student council, was one of the founding members (and former VP of Membership) of Alpha Kappa Psi Professional Business Fraternity, was president of a volunteer teaching program in Harlem, and was an active member of several other clubs and organizations. I had several amazing internships in the City, had finished writing my first YA novel, and had lost 80 pounds over my four undergraduate years. I had fallen in love and was in a long-term relationship, I had the most supportive and loving family in the world, and, even though I am extremely introverted, made a few great friends along the way. Lastly, I had accepted an offer from Teach for America, a Fortune 500 company, to teach 2nd grade in my home town of Las Vegas. Great, right? Yeah! But at the time, that’s not how I felt.
As I sat in sea of Columbia blue at my spectacular commencement ceremony (no one does it better than CU), I was thinking about all of the things that I didn’t do or could have done better. I should have written more, I should have gotten a 4.0 GPA, I should have applied to internships more aggressively when I was an underclassman, I should have gotten a job in my field of study (children’s entertainment/literature), blah, blah, blah. Looking around me, I knew people who were continuing on to do spectacular things or attend other prestigious schools around the world. Overall, I felt I underachieved and was lacking true direction. I was falling into the dreaded quarter-life crisis.
As I settled into my career as a teacher (which is a WHOLE other story of stress in itself), the struggle continued. Now, I had to find an apartment, pay bills, lose weight AGAIN (gained 30 pounds back during my first year of teaching), and complete my master’s degree in elementary education all while striving to be an excellent teacher at a low-performing, Title 1 school. In these moments, I found myself asking, “Is this what I should be doing?” Or, on rough days, “What the hell am I doing?!” It felt like being on a train going 500 miles per hour in the wrong direction. I’ve always dreamed of being a writer, and right now, my novel was sitting on a shelf collecting dust. Honestly, I had no time to write at all (which explains my lack of blog posts *sips tea*). All of my time went into my job, my students, and grad school. Worst of all (for me, at least), for the first time in my life, I did not have a plan. My 10-year plan from college went out of the window: I was going to teach for two years (easy-peasy, right?), move to California, and land a job in the story department of Disney/Pixar Studios (after publishing a YA novel or two, of course). There was no way I would ever be able to build up the content or skill to publish anything under these conditions—let alone be accepted to a highly-competitive writing position.
The stress in my life felt overwhelming at times, although I was pretty good at hiding it. Even with the never-ending support of my boyfriend, family, friends, and colleagues (my coworkers/bosses are literally the best ever), I was always extremely tired and tremendously busy…a dangerous combination. Should I quit my job? No…I actually loved my high-stress job. Should I move back in with my parents to save money? Well…having my own place was great. Should I just bite the bullet and add an hour of writing and working out into my everyday schedule? So…that would bring my sleep time to maybe 3 hours. Sigh. Even if I did these things, what would I do next? Since I didn’t have an answer to that, I decided to stick with it and see where life took me.
Thankfully for me, things got better with time. I became much better at my job, started managing my time more effectively, and reapplied myself to the things that I love to do (hello second novel!). I am now half-way through my second year of teaching, have been living a healthier life, and brought my stress-o-meter from down from a hundred to maybe a twenty. Best of all, I have a new plan for my life that is flexible and more aligned to my passions.
The big thing that really made a difference in me overcoming my quarter-life crisis was this realization: You don’t have to have an exact plan in life and success is not synonymous with perfection. Things change. You change. You make mistakes and learn from them. You go down paths that you never thought you would. This shouldn’t be a stressful, scary thing (all of the time)—it should be an exciting learning experience. So what if my life gets a little crazy? I’m only 23 years old! This is the time for crazy! This is the time to try new things and figure out exactly what I want.
So, here’s to crushing your quarter-life crisis. Here’s to not letting the unavoidable stress of being an adult get in the way of your passions and dreams. Here’s to learning and living. And with that, I’m ready for what the rest of my twenties have to offer. Adventure is out there! It’s time for us 20-somethings to get off of the struggle bus and find it.
With love as always,
Cristal
Tips for Crushing your Quarter-Life Crisis:
- Put your health first
Never (EVER) sacrifice your health. Always take care of your mind and body. How will this help you crush your crisis? You’ll have more energy, focus, and confidence! (P.S. Did you know that exercise is a natural stress reliever?)
- Pay your f****ing bills
You can’t ignore your adult responsibilities just because you’re confused af. Don’t spend all of your money on going out and shoes in an attempt to make yourself happy and wind up broke for all the wrong reasons. Learning how to take care of yourself will lead to independence and confidence—two important components of getting yourself together.
- Focus on your passions
Never lose sight of what you truly love. Make time for what makes you happy, whether that means doing it every day, finding ways to integrate it into your occupation, or making a living out of it altogether. Not sure what your passion is? Make a list of everything you enjoy, then ask yourself, ‘Would I like to learn more about this?’ If you would like to learn more, explore that thing/activity further and see where it takes you.
- Organize, plan, and make goals
Even if you don’t have a long-term plan, you should always have short-term goals. You could even start by writing down 3-5 daily SMART goals in a journal or planner each day (Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Relevant, and Time-bound). Even if you take small steps, it is important to feel as if you are moving in the right direction.
- And stay positive!
Yeah, maybe things can feel crappy sometimes, but it could always be worse. Look on the bright side of life, and if something does go terribly, terribly wrong, at least your young! You have time to start again and make things right.
cristalvjames 